You may be a radical Muslim if:
1. If you refine heroin for a living but still have a moral objection to liquor.
2. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher but can’t afford shoes.
3. If you have more wives than teeth.
4. If you wipe your butt with your bare hand but consider bacon unclean.
5. If you think that vests come in two styles, bullet-proof and suicide.
6. If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
7. If you were amazed to learn that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
8. If you have nothing specific against women and think every man should own at least four.
9. If your cousin is President of the United States of America.